Youth Umpire Shows Signs of Not Being Terrible

An umpire in a youth baseball game at Avon Town Park on Wednesday appeared to have a basic understanding of the strike zone, setting himself apart from virtually all of his peers.

Jim Smelter, 43 years old, started off the game impressively, observers said, easily distinguishing balls from strikes.

"I couldn't believe it," said Janine Phelps, mother of one of the ballplayers. "He actually seemed to have some human dignity."

By the fourth inning, however, Smelter began to lose steam. At one point, the manager of the Randolph Rage disputed a strike call, noting that his player "couldn't have hit that with a telephone pole."

Despite the inconsistency, observers said, Smelter seemed far better than the other degenerates who typically set up shop behind the plate. For one thing, they said, he wasn't drunk or under the influence of psychedelic mushrooms.

Smelter also kept home plate clean and maintained a brisk pace of between-inning warm-ups, they said.

The stakes couldn't have been lower for either team. None of the players were any good, and most would rather be playing lacrosse.--SB!